A strong Jewish family: what is the beginning of happiness?

— Sara, darling, is a dialogue still possible, or are you already exactly right?(с)

Indeed, the relationships in a Jewish family formed the basis of numerous jokes. But, in addition to a sense of humor, the couple-Jews still have something to say! Because the firmness and harmony within the Jewish family surprise others for many centuries. The many have repeatedly attempted to find out what is the secret of a happy, warm relationship between a Jewish man and a Jewish woman. Even today, when some of the Jewish traditions are forgotten or discarded, a Jewish family still continues to be a symbol of reliability, purity and fidelity.

The basis of this prosperity is in the system of values, transmitted from generation to generation even in the most difficult times for Jews. Life together based on mutual respect and understanding, humility and love for spouse and children – that’s what becomes the basis for a real Jewish family.

What a Jewish family starts with? How to begin building a Jewish home? Slovie Jungreis-Wolff, a specialist in building effective family relationships gives 5 clues to the creation of a strong Jewish "home" - family.

1. Happy families require work.

Looking at pictures of friends in Facebook and Instagram, some people feel as if only they have difficulties, and everyone else lives in an only bliss. Photos of smiling children, loving couples, exotic vacations...

You should not fall for this trap, because photos never give the full picture.

Work to create an atmosphere of joy means that you value your family, including during the periods of family privacy. You do not grumble about the imperfections of your spouse or children, complaining about them to someone outside the family. You do not speak about loved ones disparagingly. You seek to protect your relationship so that a sense of trust between family members was increasing day by day. When there is a trust in the family, confidence, hope and stability flourish. Both parents and children feel happy, they know they can rely on each other, and this creates a feeling of security.

Decide that instead of comparing your life to other people's lives, or spending time discussing the shortcomings of loved ones and complaining about them to your friends, you will direct all the energy to nurture and strengthen your marital union. Instead of endlessly (and in vain) to mourn, allow yourself the creative work — to build relationships between parents and children and brothers and sisters. This "work" also means that you strive to see your wife and children in a positive light, focusing on their good qualities. If you have already spent a lot of time for detailed consideration of their negative traits, you'll need a lot more effort to change your vision. But every person has not only bad traits, but also good, and this is available to the perception of the people around him.

2. Members of happy families know how to listen.

Good contact is achieved not only in the process of dialogue, but also in the listening process. Knowing that we can be heard and understood, makes us feel happy.

Are you a good listener?

Here are a few tips that will do you good.

Sometimes it is enough just to listen, to show your care and attention
Be careful not to interrupt whoever is speaking
Don't always try proposing solutions and remedy the situation
Give the speaker your full attention, do not check the SMS and email messages at the time as you are listening
Listen without being judgmental, impatient and giving remarks, such as: "You what?!" "How could you?!" "I wonder, what were you thinking?!"

3. Respectful communication.

The tone in the house always is set by the parents. Children who always see how much respect their mother and father show to each other, know that their house is a safe haven. Of course, there are cases when parents disagree with each other, and, in this regard, they try to prove to each other the correctness of each other’s point of view. But if they remain respectful to each other and protect each other's dignity, a sense of peace in the house remains unchanged. Their children know that, entering the door of their house, they leave the chaos and madness of this world behind.

If the parents' life is full of quarrels, offences and shocks, then the children will never know what is waiting for them, who of the parents lost control and flipped out, or on the contrary, resorted to a deathly silence and no one knows when he’ll speak again.

Some children feel responsible for the situation in their family and are hardly trying to fix it: in the hope of bringing parents away from conflict, they try to soften them (the child may get seriously ill, or to do something really dangerous to his life, hoping that loving mother and father will rush to help him and forget about their conflict). Other children grow up in an ever expected fear, and slowly the pain turns into anger. The joy of family life in the not-too-distant future, which will occur for these children when they grow up and enter into marriage is under a huge threat.

Let us suppose you disagree with your spouse. Yes, it happens. But take the trouble to control your tone and the words that you are at this moment say. Our children learn from us. If you think it is acceptable to humiliate your other half, to shout, to give nasty remarks or be sarcastic, kids will definitely follow your example.

It is important to show children that their parents never stoop to meanness, and even being hurt, care about each other and do not hurt back. Instead, we should consider our words and prefer controlling ourselves without losing temper. The success of our children in the future when they themselves will have to build family relationships, depends on what they now see in their home.

Honestly, it is better now to make the decision that in your family there is no place for disrespect to each other. Exclude from the communication screaming, accusations, giving the evil eye and rough faces, sarcasm, and snickering at mistakes. Of course, physical aggression is not acceptable at all ever. Respect arises when we appreciate loved ones and treat them as we would like them treating us.

4. In the happy families people spend time together.

Families lose joint pastime. Even while being on vacation or at the restaurant, parents and children are immersed in their own world of technology. It is time to say "Enough!". Let's put aside the iPhones, iPads and other gadgets and really enjoy the moments of communication. Eat together, whether it is lunch or breakfast; sociological studies show that in families where members are eating together, there is a stronger connection. In our homes Saturday meals or festive table have become a decisive time for the family.

Invent family fun, let them be funny, travel together, share adventures and experiences. It strengthens the family. And here noone can replace your part.

5. All happy families live in love.

Love gives children a sense of belonging. The house filled with words of love, smiles, hugs and kisses, shows children that each of you is happy to be a part of this family.

I’ve recently met a woman whose husband, when he was a child, had never faced physical manifestations of kindness. His mother never told him "I love you", although when I got acquainted with her, I saw she was a good woman. She just didn't know how to express her love. And her son carries the pain and misery of his childhood to his wife and children, though he does not want to admit it. His family is suffering.

Children growing up in a house where the parents rely on each other, trust each other, care for each other and children and do not skimp on the expression of good feelings towards all family members - love to stay at home. Sons and daughters in such families know that they are appreciated. Love teaches kids to properly prioritize.

Of course, there are no perfect families in which all family members are in a constant blissful state. But we can try to fill our homes with joy, can try to create light, to maintain a sense of security and to build the foundation for love.

And our big family – ICF "Jewish Hesed "Bnei Azriel" - wishes each of our dear wards, employees, volunteers a warmth and joy! Let in our house – our Hesed – rule joy and harmony!

A strong Jewish family: what is the beginning of happiness?

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